I must be hallucinating about the Rams

I’ve had bronchitis for more than a week. Bronchitis is an odd illness. For the most part, you feel cool. Then you cough and your mouth fills up with … Stuff. If people are around, you feel shame. Either way, you find a way to get rid of it and then you feel very light-headed.

And then you start to hallucinate.

Like how I read on ESPN, CBSSports.com and saw on “Fox NFL Kickoff” that the Los Angeles Rams extended Jeff Fisher’s contract for two more seasons. If I didn’t follow basic journalism standards of double-sourcing what I read, I’d have feared I grabbed a bag of shrooms instead of Ricola.

I have a theory. I’ll get to it after I quickly list all the reasons why Fisher doesn’t deserve an extension.

He’s coached for 22 seasons and had a total of six winning seasons. His last winning season came in the first year of the Obama presidency when he was in Tennessee. This means he hasn’t even reached 8-8 in any of his five seasons with the Rams.

In addition, he’s now on his second “franchise quarterback” with the Rams. The first, Sam Bradford, actually functions well enough in Minnesota. The current, Jared Goff, didn’t start until three weeks ago. Here’s my problem on whether Goff can develop. Consider offensive tackle Greg Robinson. The former No.2 overall pick was benched last week despite being healthy. This leads me to believe the Rams coaching staff has no idea how to teach young prospects to play the game.

The less said about the disappointment of Todd Gurley this year, the better.

So why would news leak out about a contract extension a week after the Rams were humiliated 49-21 by the Saints?

Could it be the sources inside the organization who leaked the information want fans such as you and I to be outraged? Infuriated?

The feeling here is that at 4-7, even people inside the Rams organization don’t back their coach. Or, since this extension was allegedly signed six weeks ago, the players heard about it and are staging a mini-mutiny.

And I can’t say that I blame them. It’s either that or fake an injury so that they don’t have to play for the guy.

So if you’re a Rams fan, by all means support your team — by calling for the coach to be fired.

Or maybe I’m full of it and the shrooms have me trippin’ balls.

The offensive coordinator is likely the first fall guy for the Rams

The first thing to acknowledge is a grand failure can be a time for learning. And didn’t we all learn a lot about the Los Angeles Rams when they got their butts kicked in San Francisco on Monday?

The upshot is that L.A. might have had as much success running the flying-wedge offense last night if Congress had allowed it. Strap on the leather helmets, boys, it’s gonna be a dangerous ride to the outskirts of Concussionville.

The primary takeaway from this 28-0 wreckage is that most of it is the offense’s fault. The Rams gained just 185 yards, only 65 of it on the ground. The Rams took great pride in their running game, with last season’s rookie of the year running back Todd Gurley finishing as the league’s third-leading carrier. A good running game in the NFL is about 150 yards.

If you watched the game, the Niners were all too happy to commit more men into “the box,” football parlance for defenders lined up between the offensive tackles and no more than five yards from the line of scrimmage. They dared L.A. to pass, and the Rams were utterly dreadful.

Case Keenum didn’t even complete half of his passes (17-for-35). Wait, scratch that. If you count the two interceptions he threw, technically he did.

Even worse is wide receiver Tavon Austin’s four receptions. Keep in mind, Austin signed a contract extension before the start of the year with a princely sum befitting a No.1 receiver. If you’re going to get paid like a No.1 receiver, you have to produce like one. Four receptions for 13 yards won’t make anyone outside of your own family believe you’re the next Torry Holt.

As often happens when an offense gets humiliated to this extent, the defense flips out. Defensive lineman Aaron Donald is likely facing suspension for losing his mind and getting ejected. I’d like to tell you I witnessed what he did, but I don’t even want to listen to Chris Berman on commentary during good times.

Ultimately, there’s no way you get rid of Keenum, Austin or Gurley. What usually happens is ownership wants answers. And coach Jeff Fisher might point to offensive coordinator Rob Boras.

How do you break up a defense that stacks its men on the line of scrimmage? One way is the threat of long passes. Austin should have been running wind sprints to draw defenders with him, whether or not Keenum could throw the ball in that direction. If Austin is averaging three yards per reception, he may as well have never left the huddle because he sure as hell didn’t leave the line of scrimmage.

I don’t claim firing Boras will be an instant cure, nor do I believe he will be cut after one game.

However, Fisher has yet to finish a winning season with the Rams. This team is under pressure to win more than lose now, let alone lose by four touchdowns.

Expect Boras to face heat quickly, because it won’t get any easier for the Rams.

You should take the Rams on MNF

The first time the Rams were in Los Angeles, for you young whippersnappers out there, this was the game circled on the calendar. The gold and blue would head north to play their geographical rivals. You’ve heard of the Dodgers and Giants being bitter, and they are, but baseball is not inherently a violent game.

Add a five-hour alcohol fueled tailgate in a miserable place to play football, such as Candlestick Park, and it was on.

Back then, the 49ers of the 1980s-90s were loaded, to boot. Players of such skill and accomplishment — five Super Bowls to their credit — that naming those players only wastes further time to talk about tonight’s game.

So here’s the point about tonight: I see no logical rationale that San Francisco beats the Rams tonight.

Well, there is one. The Niners have won their last five openers, even the last couple of seasons when they’ve been lousy. Last year, for instance, they beat down Minnesota 20-3, and the Vikings went to the playoffs.

San Francisco also took out Green Bay twice, Seattle and Dallas in that run. Los Angeles has been mediocre at best during that time.

But intellect suggests you take the Rams.

The thing with football culture is stability. Don’t get me wrong. Of course you want talent, ferocity, size, speed. But all of those needed attributes of 11 men have to weld together into one stable unit. The 49ers, at this point, are anything but.

They have a new coach in Chip Kelly who was wildly unpopular, and maligned as a megalomaniac, when he was dismissed in Philadelphia. Think of the fanboy reaction to Jared Leto as the Joker in “Suicide Squad” and then add 250 pounds to the actor’s frame. Miscast. Tone deaf. Self-righteous. An irritant, like fingernails on a chalkboard.

He brings a spread offense to a team that reached the Super Bowl because of a run-based I-formation offense. New coach with drastically different philosophy equals lack of cohesion at the start of a season.

Now add a gallon of perceived social injustice to the mix. This is the team whose backup quarterback started the sit/kneel/frown/fist-in-the-air protest during the national anthem. ESPN for the first time will keep a live camera on the 49ers bench instead of cutting to commercial just to see how many teammates are going to protest.

I see a team that wants to make a statement about the police instead of playing football at the highest level.

I think the Rams, behind a rested Todd Gurley, will trample San Francisco with the same bludgeoning running game that was once the Niners forte. I don’t think it will be a blowout. Running teams rarely win by three touchdowns. But win they do, so the Rams will fly back to their new home with a win tonight of 24-13.