When being a cheapskate has its limits

I’m not always a cheapskate.

But when I want to, I can commit felonies on spare change when I don’t want to let it go.

For a few months, I’ve run this misguided and somewhat narcissistic blog with the idea that being moderately interesting and amusing could gain a following, not on a stalker level. I’ve had that in comedy… And I didn’t deserve my stalkers. I sucked.

I simply wanted to converse with people about random things, maybe pitch a book or two along the way.

Not as bad, though, as the bottom feeders of the Internet wanted to pitch me and you beastiality pictures, though.


That was only my second-favorite piece of spam. My fave remains the bot that asked me if I’m getting too much spam.

For the record, if I had approved of that comment or replied to it, I would have deserved all the spam I received.

The worst part is my blog is linked to my iPad. Whenever I get a comment, my tablet dings. I’ve gotten 70 comments about free animal sex pics in the last 24 hours. I can’t hear a ringing bell without thinking of Animal Planet After Dark now. Cue up Luther Vandross’ greatest hits, Simba. Nala’s feeling frisky.

Anyway, I’m figuring most people who bought my novel are women. And most people checking out my sports takes here are men. Since none of them are animals, I’m assuming they aren’t as visually stimulated as humans are and don’t need to see animal sex pics.

So I ponied up the $5 per month to give myself peace of mind and to remember that the only sexual intercourse I need to hear about involves a pizza delivery boy.

I hope to be in better spirits tomorrow.

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